Joke (The Ladies Will Like This One!)

[Johnny]

Subject: Why Men Pee Standing Up

Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in his bag, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve.
He told them that one of the things he had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. “It’s a very handy thing” God told them, “and I was wondering if either one of you would like that”.

Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged “Oh, give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that. It seems just the sort of thing a man should be able to do.
Please. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me”. On and on he went like an excited little boy.

So Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he should have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee while standing up and he was so excited. He whizzed on the bark of a tree and then went off to write his name in the sand, laughing with delight all the while.

God and Eve watched him for a moment and then God said to Eve, “Well, here’s the other thing and I guess you can have it”.
“What’s it called?” Eve asked.

“Brains” God said.

[Sara]

[Sara]

Advice for the male species..

Nine words women use...

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
  right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just
say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3

[Tuesday's Rose]

This stuff I tell yeah is gold....GOLD